Everything in my life right now seems ago difficult I have never been in this passion where I feel like everything is crushing down, school is just so hard to finish any career I have the thought of when will I ever finish? I don’t have a job I can’t even be indipendent and user my parents struggling right now I’m still living of their money, the sad Paton all this is the thing that hurts the most is my heart idk how he could hurt it so damn bad how can he just not care anymore I want to just yell or get the fuck away from everything at this point I would even fuckin move to Mexico to get away from everything it’s like I want to just give up if I haven’t already I’m so stressed heart broken like never before and he won’t even try to see that, I feel anxiety every second minute of my life for the past 5 months it’s been this way, I can’t even talk to any of my friend or family about it cause no one knows what I’m going throw they give me the same shityadvice that takes me nowhere
The only person I truly fell in love with broke my heart, this wasn’t some puppy love or anything these was really real I had never felt like this for anyone, Ive been inlve with Jim since I was 13 I’m 19 now, before when I thought I was heart broken by him in our small break ups that would last no longer then a wek I would think the Internet solved everything I would even search how to get him back or how not to get hurt, and it worked somehow we would end up together and he would show me so much love so much love….. But this is the first time I feel not that he’sishing me away but that suddenly he just doesn’t feel the same and for the first time I been trying so hard for this not to be a break up because for the first time it feels real it feels like it would be the end and I been trying so damn hard but today he just said he needed to stop pretending things that were never going to be. And he doesn’t want to see me, previewsly in the past few weeks he suddenly got bothered by me calling or even texting, I really did nothing for this to happen, and I know this might sound strange but Wat hurts the most is that there’s not even another girl involved, it’s just he realized he doesn’t love me just doesn’t and wants nothing to do with me, he ended this on the phone and some part of me doesn’t want to belive it it’s like I rather hear it in person and hurt more but be able to see his face.. He told me he doesn’t want me coming over but I am I need him to do this in person call me stupid I know. But for the past 3 months I been going crazy not knowing wats been going on, for the past three months he’s been a stranger to me, while I was writing this he texted me “I really don’t feel good acting like I am with you but you have to understand me . It’s hard for me to keep doing something I dont believe will work ” Wat I don’t understand is how isn’t it working how Wat happeened is swear on everything I did nothing to make it not work. I stress to think treason of why but I can’t seem to find any but him just stop loving me although he won’t tell me. I beg god to please fix this I beg him dearly I love him so much.
We met because one of his friends was trying to get with me and he had added me to a chat room with a bunch of his friends, then I just get a random aim from some random guy names “mexicanguerror” something..anyhow it was him I I had never even talked to him so I was like Wat the hell haha we had a conversation and stuff we talked everyday on aim the about a week later I went to a kickback and he was there…someone screamed new guy! At him (that’s his nickname) and told him this is cookie(my nickname) we ended up hanging out for a bit since his mom was already picking him up but we met impersonal that nigh, after about 3 days we met again at a house show and. Hung out the hole time we even hugged out which was great after hat we defiantly knew we liked each other and surf. We did hang out another time I went to visit him after school we showed me around his high school which was soon to become mine, and we didn’t kiss until…..we set up a day where we went to the beach then he asked me out, and we had out first kiss, it was so great. I fell inlve with him and a lot happened we lasted together for about 3 years when we had our first long break up which lasted about 6 months, we ended up together again for a few months but it ended once again, ….after our second break up which lasted 1 year and 5 months e are here now talking again..not back together yet but I love him for then anything and I realized as much as I try to feel something for someone again I can’t I love him so much and I know he loves me. And I really do wants this to last forever and I will try my best this time I’m really serious, I was 13 when we started going out and he was 16 now I’m 19 and he is 22 and I know this is real. I love you teddy bear forever.
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